It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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