What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
