the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
