Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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