I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
