i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
