I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
