Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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