So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
