She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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