Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
