i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
