Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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