you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
