Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
