his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
