I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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