Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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