better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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