I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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