I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
