i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
