i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
