Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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