Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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