If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
