after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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