Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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