Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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