We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
