I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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