You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
