Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
