I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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