what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
