Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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