Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
