In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this boner is exhausting
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
