I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Drake has all the answers
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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