in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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