I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My vagina just recognized that song.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
