So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
