That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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