I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
