i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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