grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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