Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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