the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
