Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
