yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
