just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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