My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
