nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
