so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
