??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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